These two traits are on opposite sides of the spectrum, Right?
Does that mean you have to choose to be one or the other?
I do not believe that, choosing one is advice I would listen too or give. I personally believe that it is better to find a balance between the two, in order Budget Your Energy, both for giving but also for living.
Being selfless means putting the needs of others before your own and being willing to make sacrifices for the benefit of others. However, you should not neglect your own needs and well-being in order to achieve this. In fact, neglecting your own needs can lead to burnout and resentment, which in turn will harm both yourself and the people you are trying to help.
On the other side of the spectrum, being selfish means prioritizing your own needs and desires above those of others. This can lead to a lack of empathy and a lack of consideration for others. But, being selfish is not always bad, in fact, taking care of yourself is vital for maintaining your own mental and physical well-being, which in turn allows you to better support and care for others.
Finding a balance between the two is my suggestion to living a fulfilling life. It's about being compassionate and empathetic towards others while also taking care of yourself. It's about making choices that benefit both yourself and others.
And it is not easy, I myself am working on this and working on me and it is one of the main reasons for starting this blog or ‘Self Study’ if you may. A constant, yet consistent work in progress which actually has no finish line. Well definitely none in sight, maybe one day I will get to a finish line, but I believe that will only be when I finish life.
Setting healthy boundaries and saying no to things that drain your energy can be seen as selfish but it's actually selfless in the long run because you'll be able to give more to others when you're feeling well. Even in your work place you can so no to interactions that will waste your energy, and use that energy, less distraction, to focus and complete the task at hand. This will look selfish to the interaction you avoid, however, them wasting your energy is selfish of them and therefore your prioritisation of your own energy is selfless.
Similarly, taking time for self-care and self-reflection can be seen as selfish, but it is selfless because it helps you to be more present and compassionate with others. In my experience I have learnt that it is impossible to give to people if you have nothing left to give. Working in the hospitality industry my whole career and from nearly a decade of doing that in Dubai, I had to face the reality that I had been giving so much of my energy away that I had none left to give. That made me think, internally, that I was becoming less, and then I moved to Seychelles and made this a focus of mine and decided to give myself a compliment because I believe it was quite an achievement to have given so much, for so long with out refueling my source of energy.
I see it like snorkeling for fun. How long you can stay under water is determined by the capacity of your lungs, Yes you can train yourself to hold your breath for longer, however it is not a competition and the capacity of your lungs varies for many different reasons. The worst thing you can do is not know your limit, as then you will not know when to come up for air, and therefore floating in underwater paradise can no longer be an activity of yours.
So come up for air once in a while, It is the smarter thing to do.
Do you agree?